Barbara and Norm Berven’s love story began in an unexpected way: after they both experienced losses due to cancer.
Barbara lost her first husband, Bernie, to multiple myeloma in 2008. Norm’s first wife, Stella, was a good friend of Barbara and supported her through both her first husband’s diagnosis and after he passed.
Later, when Stella was diagnosed with breast cancer, “I was determined to be as good of a friend to her as she was to me,” recalls Barbara.
“I’ve been twice blessed”
After Stella passed away, Barbara reached out to Norm because she had been in his shoes. She understood the importance of being able to share with others who had experienced something similar. Also, Norm was fighting prostate cancer, which began with surgery in 2008, and she wanted to support him in that fight, too.
Norm and Barbara supported each other through their grief, and eventually their relationship developed into something more. They were married in January of 2012. “I’ve been twice blessed,” shares Barbara, and Norm echoes her sentiment.
Starting a decade of support
Because of their own experiences, they recognize that “Everybody is touched [by cancer] in some way.” So, when Barbara’s friend (and one of the early founders of Gilda’s Club) Amy Nickles invited Barbara to a Red Door Society luncheon, Barbara knew she wanted to get involved.
Barbara recalls hearing “a young woman share her touching account of her own journey with cancer.” Barbara immediately wanted to sign up to join the Red Door Society. In fact, Barbara and Norm were among the first people to join this mighty group of loyal supporters who pledge at least three years of support. Because of their pledges, Gilda’s Club is able to be responsive to new needs as they arise. Barbara and Norm have been Red Door Society members for over a decade.
Getting students involved
They have also supported Gilda’s Club in other meaningful ways. Norm, an emeritus professor in rehabilitation psychology at UW-Madison, saw an opportunity as he got involved with the organization. He realized, “This could be a great place to send graduate students for internships.” He was right. In fact, many of his students not only gained valuable experience at Gilda’s Club but have also remained engaged long after their internships ended.
A couple of years ago, they attended their first Gilda’s Backyard BBQ. They grin as they share, “We’re hooked on the Backyard BBQ!” They have found that not only is the BBQ a lot of fun (they referenced being “actively involved” in the auction), but it’s also a great way to introduce others to Gilda’s Club, and they brought two of Norm’s colleagues and their wives to the last BBQ.
“Know you’re not alone”
So why have they chosen to stay involved with Gilda’s Club for so many years? “This is something that really hits home for us,” explains Barbara. Both she and Norm joined grief support groups after they lost their first spouses, so they know first-hand the benefits of that kind of support, “that whole concept of being able to share your experience and know you’re not alone.”
Norm cites stories that his students would share with him of their time at Gilda’s Club. “I really believe in what you do,” he explains.
Ultimately, Barbara and Norm agree on the importance of making sure that no one faces cancer alone. They share, “We’re grateful that we’re able to support the mission of Gilda’s Club.”